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Atiku, Atikulation and Other Stories – By Reuben Abati

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Former Presidential Special Adviser on Media and Publicity has written an interesting piece over the strategic decision of influential politician, Atiku Abubakar to dump the ruling APC ahead of the 2019 election.

Reuben Abati

“I hear say Atiku don port oh, from APC to God knows where…”

“He used to be a Customs officer. Going from one port to another should not be an issue or a problem for him. It is in the nature of Customs officials to go from one port to another. When they train Customs officials, they train them to just disappear to nowhere when the storm is tough and rough. That is the reason why every Customs official is a prostitute… serving or retired. I know some of them. They are always disappearing and appearing. After oil and gas, customs is the other honey pot of Nigeria. My brother, if you taste a little of that honey pot, your tongue will come out. You will always want to taste more.”

“But Alhaji Atiku Abubakar is not a neophyte to the game. He has been Vice President to Ebora Obasanjo for eight years. And since 2007, he has been eyeing that office of President. He attempted to run in 2007, he ran in 2011, he ran again in 2015. There must be something in that Aso Rock that he is looking for.”

“Or something he kept there that he needs to go back and remove.”

“There is nothing wrong with a man seeking to rule his country, though.”

“Yes, that is why Alhaji Abubakar has been projecting himself as a man under pressure running from pillar to post, behaving like the only thing in his life is to become President.”

“To be President no be joke oh. The man don taste the thing small, na him know wetin the thing be?”

“But God has blessed him. He has a University. God has given a mere Customs officer the opportunity to educate Nigerian children. Even Boko Haram survivors are now being educated in his university and the Federal Government is paying him lorry loads of money as scholarship. Must he be President?”

“Yes. If dem give you suya for one hand, carry champagne for another hand, which one you go take?”

“Champagne, my brother.”

“Or when you see useless people, Oga’s domestic servants and imbecilic erukus washing hands with champagne that their first to fifth generations never tasted, what will you do?”

“I swear I will step into the ring and fight.”

“Good. Atiku wants to take over. Him too wan wan taste champagne. The champagne of Nigeria.”

“But he doesn’t’ even know where he is going.”

“He knows. Talks are going on. For him to leave the APC, he must have worked out his next destination.”

“Which is?”

“I hear PDP”

“PDP? PDP is in trouble. I don’t think PDP can remove Buhari from power”.

“I have seen pictures of Atiku’s PDP campaign vehicles. It looks like he is going to get the PDP Presidential ticket”


“He has money. PDP right now needs somebody with cool cash who can challenge the APC, and fight them money for money.”

“And Atiku has that war chest?”

“He can mobilize it.”

“The PDP Governors won’t allow him”

“Who are those ones? There is no Governor in PDP today who wants to spend money. Those Araldites? If a roadside beggar gives them money, they will collect. PDP Governors are so hungry they will be so glad to collect tithes. If Atiku gives them money, they will jump like frogs, and hand over the Presidential ticket to him.”

“But why should Nigerian politicians jump from one party to the other.”

“Hunger and greed. Can’t you see that there is no Nigerian politician who is interested in ideology or ideas? They all just want position and power.”

“I can see that. Atiku for example has jumped from PDP to AC to PDP, to APC and from APC to, well, we don’t know where next until he says so…”

“It is called Atikulation.”

“It looks like the jump of the frog to me”

“Frog?. This looks like the jump of the elephant. Atiku’s move is a metaphor for Nigerian politics. It is a sign that something terrible has happened to the ruling party.”

“I hear the ruling party says Atiku’s move is predictable and so it is a non-event.”

“Who said so? Garba Shehu?”


“You mean Garba Shehu has not spoken? He has not responded to Alhaji Atiku Abubakar’s Atikulation, especially Atiku’s submission that the APC government is a joke and a scam?”

“I checked. Somebody told me that Garba Shehu is treating an ear problem at the moment, and em ..em, that he is part of a team looking at the mysterious movement of the rats in the President’s office to the Council Chambers forcing the President to relocate the Federal Executive Council meeting to the First Lady’s Conference Room.”

“I don’t believe that. The Garba Shehu I know would have issued a statement calling Atiku a fool for criticizing Buhari and dumping the APC”

“You sef. You don forget? Garba Shehu is Atiku’s boy. He used to be Atiku’s chief spokesperson. He used to lead the assault against Obasanjo and Jonathan before he was donated to Buhari. You want him to bite his master?”

“He should do his job. We are talking about loyalty. Let him do his job or make a choice.”

“He too should port?”

“He can do whatever he likes, but at least whenever he condemns the opposition again, he should know that he is attacking the Atiku finger that fed him”

“This is why I don’t ever want to work for government. Too tough. But you are talking about Garba Shehu. What is Mama Taraba still doing in the Buhari government? The moment Alhaji Atiku Abubakar Atikulated his position and wrote off the Buhari government, I expected Mama Taraba to resign immediately, having publicly declared that she is a loyal follower of Alhaji Atiku Abubakar.”

“Mama Taraba”

“Baba Buhari should sack her and all Atiku loyalists in the government.”

“You don’t know anything. You don’t know politics. Don’t be surprised if Baba keeps Atiku’s followers in his government”

“Enemies in his government”

“You don’t know politics. In fact, President Buhari could decide to make Mama Taraba his Minister of Petroleum Resources. And Garba Shehu the Minister of Information and Atiku will know that he is just making noise.”

“Gi-di-gibe. Power-pass-power. But the Mama Taraba that I know will get angry and resign ”

“You think so?”

“Yes. If she doesn’t resign, I trust Ibe Kachikwu to issue a statement to say that this is the very height of corruption and chicanery”

“It is okay. Chika is an Igbo name.”

“Atiku’s Atikulation is it. And stop saying the man has been moving from one political party to the other. Even the sitting President jumped from one party to the other, election after election before he could become President.”

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image Posted On : November 28, 2017

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